A bit cross.

I feel a bit sleepy after one whole day of waiting for a phone call. Not that it is a great loss if something messed up and I don’t get the job, I rather idle my days away. My definition of earnestly living may not match yours, so yes I’m not sorry. Zzzz, if not for the contract signed, I am very much inclined to decline. Sigh, why do I spend all my life waiting for something promised yet not materialised.

and why can’t I work my itouch! I am mourning the loss of wasted money. Haha..but I somehow manage to lose 2kg! I rejoice at the loss! Haha..zzzzzz

In every part of my life.

I want to go buy two camisoles soon. One black and one blue. And a skirt for formal occasions. Never mind the blazer, I can probably get a decent one for 30 in Perth if I cannot find one here. Yes, shopping and money comes hand in hand. Thank God that He knows I need some cold hard, and granted me a job! Must share the joy, so once I get my pay, let’s go for coffee ok sharon!

I think I played like 5hours of table tennis on Wednesday, and a couple for tennis today. zzz, I know. What happened to my inactivity. I don’t seem to be losing weight at all, just incurring muscle ache and spontaneous ball attacks (of which today’s was self-inflicted). I still reckon bonding should be done in air-con rooms.

Er jie has spent one day in Japan now. I wonder how she is doing. Must continue to keep her in prayer..and many many others, of course! I also pray that God will guard my heart and mind, so that in all that I do (and don’t do) will not fail Him. I know at times, I try too hard to please others instead of Him. I lose focus sometimes, and I’m not brave enough to really step out for Him. Even if so, I pray that You will be patient with me and keep guiding me. Spare not Your rod, but never leave me.

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“你等我一下。我马上去接你。”

Haha..okay, sorry waiting for Hi, my sweetheart to load. The 学长 is seriously too good to be true, I wonder if he finds it boring to play the good guy. Characters with flaws are always more real and likeable.

Haha..ok, I apologise for cryptic posts but I’m not good at concealing the truth so being cryptic is my way of concealing what I expose. I shall do a normal entry for once in light of repentance.

Thai Express was given a second chance today when I met up with rae for lunch. It was great to meet up in the sunny spot and have conversation flowing so effortlessly. Thank God! ^^ Great recommendation of dish to try, I think Thai Express is aptly redeemed and moved out of my black list. Haha! Then it was to Chinatown to meet the girls, and spontaneously buying roasted chestnuts to satisfy cravings. OH! I finally hit somerset new mall labelled with a mix of threes and ones  of which sequence and form eludes me. Sharon’s yoghurt was YUM! Must buy one for selfish wants for once! And I thought Jean really should have bought the dress and outrageousfearsome jeans. You really look good in them!

Tml is Tooth Fairy with churchies and Ashton for chae yun’s farewell. Illogically delighted to spend time with them though I saw them just over the weekends :D Hmm, it might be really random but looking at the photos from Lam Lee, it really makes me want to go back and do something, anything for them. I know I can be awkward around kids because I’m not naturally a gentle person, nor do I know how to sweet talk. I know I keep saying one thing but I do try to be receptive because He enabled me to hope that childhood remains childish.

a way away

I have overstepped my boundaries, and by my jurisdiction I am condemned. I suppose there will be a time when current does not suffice and I need more, want more to live. Yet, in needing, in wanting comes with it’s own price and rudely demands payment instant. I know I have to across the line without knowing what is in store for me or for others. Now that I have, I realise there seem to be no going back. Not by my jurisdiction nor his. I seem too intent standing by the line, like my gaze could burn but a blur that will allow me to slip back to my happy place. I seem to think that facing the line I across would make what is behind me less real. I seem to think that squatting down by the line would make me less obvious. Attempts that in due consideration seems almost comical and worrying. Proximity will burn me alive, suffocate me with wild eyes. I cannot see what is around the next bend, and yet why should I live any other way.

*(Just so sharon knows I am listening) I know I should open up, but its really terrifying me. >< great. and now can you judge me by this.

Like an outstretched hand.

How can I explain this feeling. It is like waiting for a meal with an empty stomach. It is like watching the person in front steadying herself for a voluptuous slide down. It is like the moment before you yank the bon bon apart. Except it is over a longer period. Like a one month period.

Yeah. I know there is no point thinking about it, because it will happen. But because it will happen, I am thinking about it. If that makes dollars for you.

In flashes.

It struck me that, it is not the things we do but how we do it that create this centripetal force. It is for them, in the things they believe in, the joy in finding that identically in complete strangers and the chance to en masse.

…and because it is lovely to be together, people are naturally attracted to such energy in wanting to belong and to be with.

I want to go home.

The skies are blue, azure miles without a hint of cirrus.
The nights are velvet, sparkling with sprinkled stars.
It is so much better, I know. It is so, I’m blessed.
But I want to go home.

It’s just a continent away, just an ocean apart.
But it’s not near enough, and I want to go home.

I am listening for a familiar footstep;
My eyes are straining to catch,
a glimpse of you who are essential for smiling.
For all the distance communications closes,
nothing can exude warmth like your embrace.

What home means and how smiling works, I cannot explain.
But they can be found in you, hand in hand.

Obligations and noble dreams;
tell me again why they matter.
I know you cannot come
where I am.
The One above has not intend.

But wait for me,
for one day I will be done.
I will go home;
I gotta come home.

Of chance?

Yay, I finally met Carol! It seems too long. Part of me want to chuck our jc days away and know the girls anew, I wonder if that sounds sound. Then I met Eunice at Borders, Orchard which is a apt place for coincidental meeting with her, I’m sure she’d agree. On the way home bumped into Chae Huah and Chae Yun, a complete stunner since I was just thinking about them.

And somehow, this is part of what Singapore is to me. Thank God for allowing me to experience it once again! Haha, don’t take it wrongly but its good to spend time with other than my churchies. Looking forward to my home-cook food, fellowship, service and badminton with them this weekend though…very much! ^^

bec it’s been 14days

I was a bit scared it would be diabetes but the doc said it SHOULD BE poor blood circulation. Okay, time will tell. If it is something worse, I hope to know before March so I don’t have to go back to Perth and study! Hohoho

Okay. Next diagnosis visit should be for my iTouch.

Is it nearly time?

At times, it really seems like a huge joke when nothing is impossible for God. It is getting harder to shut it out, and right now it is to the point of torturing relentlessness. I wanted so much to be more honest, but it meant revealing weaknesses that I didn’t care for. So damn my pride for getting in the way. And there is this trembling fear that threatens faith and stuck a wedge in between trust. Can I really shut out all this voices and be brave enough? I stayed because I don’t want to run anymore. I do apologise for not being able to do more than that, but I really don’t want to run anymore.